It’s hard to deal with the marked up perceptions we have of other people. As someone who is desperately trying to overcome my methods of self-sabotage, nothing sends me in a spiral of self loathing faster than someone who has their shit together, or at least presents themselves as doing so.
There are things I’ve accomplished in my life that I feel proud of: my marriage, my education, and my occupation. I have a very rewarding social life with intelligent and interesting people who challenge my thoughts and give me support. But, here I am, feeling like a failure because my house can’t stay clean, I can’t stop eating compulsively, and I don’t have any marketable talents that make me stand out as an individual.
There are so many things I want to get better at, and I want to do them all at once. This obviously sets me up for disappointment.
I do all the things for about 5 days, then something happens, and I drop the ball and end up curled in a fetal position hating everyone and their damn perfect lives, perfect abs, perfect vacations.
I am fully aware that a Facebook isn’t entirely representative of our life and current situation, but I still get this nasty streak where I stalk photos and statuses and feel like a total shit. And it’s me that let’s myself feel this way. No one has done anything to me, it’s only me trying to force myself onto something I’m not ready for yet, because I feel that if I just run into a wall a little harder this time, I’ll break through it instead of smashing my face and crawling away.
My face is really starting to hurt.